Stoicism and the INFJ Mind: Why It Just Makes Sense

I’ve always been curious about what drives people. It’s part of what makes me tick, observing and reflecting on why we think and act the way we do. As a young adult, I explored different philosophies, even took a personality test. Back then, the result was interesting but didn’t feel life-changing. Fast-forward a few decades, and I found myself at a point in life where I needed more clarity and direction. That’s when I rediscovered the Myers-Briggs test, took it again, and saw the same result as years before: INFJ.

This time, that result pulled me in. INFJs are known for a unique balance between empathy and the constant search for meaning. I realized why I often felt compelled to understand situations and people on a deeper level. It’s like seeing layers that others might miss and often being caught between what I sense and what’s happening around me. INFJ didn’t become a label that boxed me in, but it gave me a new lens to understand why I crave purpose and how I react to life’s challenges.

But knowing I was an INFJ was just the start. Around this same time, I also came across something else: Stoicism. It’s an ancient philosophy focused on managing our inner world—our reactions, thoughts, and choices—regardless of what happens around us. For someone who spends a lot of time in their own head, Stoicism became a tool that let me work with my INFJ traits rather than being controlled by them.

Rediscovering INFJ Traits

For me, realizing I was an INFJ explained a lot about how I think and why I respond the way I do. INFJs are often described as “the advocates” or “the protectors” in Myers-Briggs terms, and this has a lot to do with how we feel things so intensely. It’s as if every situation we’re in, every person we meet, triggers this natural response to understand, help, or fix things, even if we don’t realize it.

INFJs also tend to focus on big-picture questions: What’s the meaning behind this? How does it fit into a larger story? This way of seeing things sometimes means feeling out of place or needing more time to process situations that seem simple to others. But even though it can feel isolating, it also gives a strong sense of purpose. And having that purpose—whether it’s understanding people or finding ways to grow—is vital to feeling at peace.

So, finding out I was an INFJ didn’t make me feel boxed in or limited. Instead, it explained my unique way of connecting with people and my need for meaning. But at the same time, it also meant dealing with challenges like overthinking and getting emotionally exhausted from diving too deep into things. That’s where Stoicism comes in.

Discovering Stoicism and Seeing the Connection

Around the same time I was exploring my INFJ traits, I stumbled upon Stoicism. I’d heard about it before, but I’d never looked into it seriously until I read some work by Stoic philosophers like Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus. Stoicism focuses on practical tools for life: controlling what you can, accepting what you can’t, and staying calm even in chaos. The more I read, the more I realized how much of my life already reflected Stoic ideas. It wasn’t that I was already a Stoic, but Stoicism’s emphasis on mental clarity and personal responsibility struck a chord.

For example, one of Stoicism’s key principles is focusing on what’s within our control—our thoughts, actions, and reactions. As an INFJ, it’s easy to get lost in others’ needs or worry about how my actions might affect them. Stoicism, however, provides a structure to bring that focus back to what I can control: my own actions and choices. This mindset made sense because it didn’t ask me to stop caring; it just asked me to shift how I care, from worry to responsibility.

Stoicism has another valuable principle: it emphasizes viewing challenges as opportunities. Instead of seeing difficult situations as obstacles, Stoicism encourages us to see them as chances to grow. For someone like me, who tends to think deeply and get emotionally invested in situations, this shift is incredibly freeing. I can let go of needing things to go “right” and just focus on doing what I can with what I have.

Using INFJ and Stoic Traits Together

Blending my INFJ traits with Stoicism has been powerful for navigating daily life. One common experience for INFJs is overthinking, especially when starting something new or working on projects that matter. The desire for things to be “right” or meaningful can become a barrier. I often find myself wondering: “What if this doesn’t resonate with others? What if it falls short?” These thoughts used to keep me from taking action.

But now, Stoicism reminds me that what really matters is doing my best and letting go of the rest. The outcome isn’t something I control, only the effort I put in. This approach makes things lighter. I can work on what matters to me without being held back by fears about how it will be received.

This combination has shown me that I don’t have to ignore my INFJ tendencies. I can still care deeply, seek meaning, and connect with others. But Stoicism provides a way to manage those tendencies, keeping them from overwhelming me. It helps me focus on progress, not perfection. The INFJ side of me thrives on creating meaningful connections, while the Stoic side reminds me to approach these connections without getting attached to outcomes I can’t control.

Why I’m Sharing This

I’m sharing this because I know there are others out there who feel similarly. Maybe you’re someone who dives deep into relationships, seeks a strong purpose, or often feels weighed down by a world that seems so loud and chaotic. For me, learning about INFJ and Stoicism gave me a clearer way to handle life’s ups and downs. Neither is a complete answer, but together, they give me a balance that’s helped me find a path forward.

So, if you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by your thoughts or questioned your place in the world, maybe Stoicism could be useful for you, too. It doesn’t deny emotions or tell you to stop caring. Instead, it helps you place that care in the right direction—toward actions you control and a mindset that brings peace rather than stress.

INFJ and Stoicism aren’t quick fixes; they’re tools. Tools that help me manage life in a way that feels right for me. And maybe by sharing my journey, it can offer some insight or encouragement if you’re looking to understand yourself a little better.