Dealing with Expectations: From Perfectionism to Progress

Perfectionism has been a constant companion in my life. I set high expectations for myself—whether it’s in work, relationships, or even small tasks, I always feel this pull to make everything meaningful and well-executed. And while that drive can be powerful, it also has a downside. Perfectionism can lead me into cycles of frustration, where the weight of my expectations makes even the simplest things feel overwhelming.

That’s one of the reasons Stoicism has made such a difference for me. Stoicism doesn’t say to stop caring or to lower your standards; instead, it’s about shifting how you approach your goals and focusing on progress rather than perfection. When I first started practicing this shift, I could already feel the weight lifting. Let me share what’s helped me and how these Stoic practices have changed my relationship with expectations.

Focus On Progress

One thing that has been freeing is the idea of focusing on progress instead of perfection. For a long time, I got stuck in the mindset that if I couldn’t do something perfectly, I wasn’t doing it “right.” But Stoicism reminds us to focus on what’s within our power and to let go of the rest. Now, when I start something new or take on a big project, I try to focus on the steps I’m taking rather than stressing over the final outcome. It’s been a game-changer, helping me stay grounded and moving forward, even if things don’t turn out exactly as planned.

Don’t Get Attached to Outcomes

Another thing Stoicism has helped me with is the tendency to get attached to outcomes. When I’m working on something that really matters to me, it’s easy to get wrapped up in hoping for a specific result. I’ve learned to find satisfaction in the process instead of relying on the outcome to validate my efforts. It’s still a work in progress, but now, I try to find joy in each step. By focusing on the effort I’m putting in, I’m less anxious about what happens next. The process itself has value, and Stoicism has taught me to appreciate that.

Be More Self-Compasionate

Self-compassion has also been key. Perfectionism often comes with a strong inner critic, one that isn’t always kind. Stoicism has helped me soften that voice, to accept that it’s okay to be human and that mistakes are part of the journey. Rather than seeing imperfections as failures, I’m learning to see them as chances to grow. It’s not easy, but the more I practice self-compassion, the more I realize that I can hold myself to high standards without being harsh or judgmental.

Failure is a Learning Opportunity

Failure is another area where Stoicism has really shifted my mindset. I used to see failure as something to avoid at all costs, but Stoicism reframes it as a learning opportunity. Failure isn’t the end of the road; it’s part of the path. I now ask myself, “What can I learn from this?” instead of feeling defeated. It’s become a way to keep moving forward, even when things don’t go as planned. Mistakes and setbacks have become opportunities to understand myself better and improve, rather than roadblocks.

Just Let Go

I’ve also had to work on letting go of the need for approval from others. Perfectionism often goes hand in hand with wanting others to see and appreciate our efforts. But Stoicism has helped me shift my focus inward, reminding me that I can’t control what others think or how they respond. What I can control is my own effort, my intentions, and staying true to my values. Letting go of that need for validation has been challenging, but it’s also incredibly freeing. I can now feel satisfied with what I’ve done without relying on external praise to prove my worth.

Set Meaningful Goals

Setting realistic and meaningful goals has also made a difference. When you’re stuck in perfectionism, it’s easy to set goals that are nearly impossible to reach. Stoicism values moderation and wisdom, and I’ve started applying that to my own goal-setting. I focus on what genuinely matters to me, setting goals that are challenging but achievable. This approach has helped me find balance and peace, working toward things that feel aligned with my values instead of some idealized version of success.

If you also struggle with high expectations, maybe this shift could help. By letting go of perfectionism and embracing progress, we can make room for real growth and a sense of peace along the way. Life isn’t about getting everything “right”; it’s about moving forward, learning, and growing through each step.