Relationships and Boundaries: Navigating Connection with Stoic Balance

So, this week, I wanted to dive into the topic of relationships and boundaries. For those of us with INFJ personality types we seek depth and genuine connection, finding a healthy balance can sometimes be challenging. Relationships bring so much meaning, but they can also leave us feeling drained if we’re not careful. Today, I’m sharing some thoughts on how a balanced approach has reshaped how I connect with others, helping me stay present without sacrificing my peace and keeping a stoic mindset.

Relationships have always been essential to me, but they haven’t always been easy to navigate. I’ve always valued real conversations and meaningful bonds with friends, family, and others. But it took time to realize that constantly giving without setting limits wasn’t sustainable. As personality types like INFJs know, there’s a natural desire to dive deeply into relationships and support others, but that can sometimes lead to emotional exhaustion if we’re not careful.

As the stoic philosopher Epictetus put it, “We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them.” This idea has helped me see that while I can’t control others’ needs or emotions, I can control how much I give and how I choose to respond. This concept has helped me approach relationships with more peace and balance, without losing myself in the process.

One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned is that I can care deeply for others without taking on their feelings. Instead of absorbing the emotions and challenges of those around me, I focus on my own actions and intentions. This shift has helped me be a better friend and partner, allowing me to listen and support without feeling overwhelmed. I can offer my presence and encouragement, but I don’t have to carry the weight of others’ experiences.

Lesson 1: Caring Without Taking on Too Much

For personality types like INFJs, empathy often comes naturally. In the past, I would find myself deeply impacted by others’ struggles, sometimes taking on those feelings myself. But I’ve learned that I can empathize without absorbing others’ burdens as my own. Focusing on my own choices and responses has allowed me to stay grounded and less overwhelmed.

Seneca’s stoic wisdom reminds us, “We suffer more in imagination than in reality.” This has been a powerful insight for me. Often, the stress we feel about relationships comes from imagining all the ways we “should” be there for others, rather than honoring our real capacities. I can still be fully present, offering a listening ear and support without losing myself in someone else’s emotions. It’s freeing to know I can be there for others without feeling the need to solve every problem.

Lesson 2: Boundaries Are Not Selfish

Creating limits around my time and energy was something I used to struggle with, especially with my INFJ mind lol. I wanted to be there for everyone, and saying “no” felt like letting people down. But over time, I realized that if I always said “yes,” I’d end up worn out. Boundaries aren’t barriers to shut people out, they’re essential for protecting the energy I need to be my best self in my relationships.

Now, when I feel my energy waning, I give myself permission to take a step back. Taking care of myself isn’t selfish, it’s a way to make sure I can show up fully and genuinely for those I care about. Marcus Aurelius said, “Waste no more time arguing what a good person should be. Be one.” For me, this means being honest about my limits and focusing on quality over quantity in my relationships, to be more stoic for myself and others.

Lesson 3: Small Actions Matter

For a long time, I felt like making a difference in relationships meant giving everything I had. But I’ve learned that small, sincere actions often have just as much impact as grand gestures. A thoughtful message, a few minutes of real listening, or a small act of kindness can mean the world without draining my energy.

By focusing on these smaller gestures, I’ve found a balance that lets me stay connected without feeling stretched thin. Marcus Aurelius also said, “If it is not right, do not do it; if it is not true, do not say it.” For me, this reminds me to keep my actions simple, meaningful, and aligned with what feels right, instead of trying to do everything.

Lesson 4: Respecting Others’ Journeys

There was a time when I felt responsible for helping people avoid pain or struggle. Many people with empathetic personalities like INFJ’s feel this way, wanting to protect and support those they care about. But I’ve learned that everyone has their own path, and growth often comes from facing challenges directly.

Instead of shielding others from difficulties I take a more stoic approach, I focus on being a steady presence. I offer encouragement, I listen, and I’m there for them but I don’t need to take on their journey. This shift has allowed me to support others without feeling the need to fix everything, which we INFJ’s feel we need to do, right?

As Epictetus reminds us, “Don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it.” This encourages me to live my values and respect others’ independence.

Lesson 5: Letting Go of the Need for Validation

One of the most freeing changes has been letting go of the need for others’ approval. I used to worry about how others perceived me, whether I was being supportive enough, whether they felt valued. But I’ve realized that I can’t control others’ responses, I can only control my own actions and intentions.

Now, I remind myself that as long as I act with kindness and integrity, that’s enough. Letting go of that need for validation has made my relationships feel lighter and more genuine. I can be present without constantly seeking approval, which has brought a new sense of peace.

​Closing Note

Thank you for being here and for being part of this journey. Relationships bring so much meaning to our lives, but maintaining balance is key. I hope this resonates with you and reminds you that setting boundaries doesn’t mean shutting people out, it means creating a space where you can connect fully, without losing yourself.

I hope you have found this letter useful and inspirational, these days we all can use a pick me up for sure! If you have found this letter helpful please feel free to share it with a friend and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Until next week, take care of your energy and stay true to yourself. You deserve relationships that bring peace, not stress.

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